


Can an owl fly all the way to heaven?

by Bakayams



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Angstober, Haikyuutober, M/M, Mild Blood, References to Depression, Suicide mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 03:04:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20941238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bakayams/pseuds/Bakayams
Summary: Bokuto was viewed as the star in Akaashi's eyes. That star was always gleaming but everything around him was black. Akaashi tried and tried to reach his star and hang on but it went with him shooting away. Bokuto got a call one day from Akaashi's father of a message that made him wish he could of had one more chance to see his own star before it left.





	Can an owl fly all the way to heaven?

**Author's Note:**

> For the summary, and even help with ideas, I have to give the credit to Kaylee @The_Peaches_Pits  
Big Trigger Warning for mentions of suicide, double suicide, and blood mention. Please read at your own risk.

> Bokuto sat on the edge of his bed, elbows on his knees, tapping his toe, as he waits for his boyfriend to answer his texts. Though he was getting worried though, akaashi always responds quickly. Now his messages weren’t even going through. They had a whole date night planned, a nice dinner, a movie, and then to end it with a walk in the park with stargazing. Bokuto being finally off from school, and volleyball, he wanted to spend it with Akaashi. He then just continued to call and text Akaashi, leaving voicemail after voicemail. Nothing. He started to feel his mouth go dry, and a lump in his throat forming, as his hands start to shake. An hour, a whole hour late. Akaashi only lived ten minutes away, why was he so late, why was he ignoring him? He bit his thumbnail as he dialed Akaashi’s mother’s number, voicemail again. He was now standing up and putting his shoes on trying her a few more times, but still nothing. He finally started to dial Akaashi’s father’s number. Taking short, loud breaths almost running down the stairs.  
One ring. Two rings. Finally the end of that third ring his father picked up. Bokuto was already breathing heavily, worried that something has happened to Akaashi. Then he heard sniffling, like Akaashi’s father was crying. Why would he be crying? He was as stoic with emotions as Akaashi, something bad really must of happened.  
“Sir, are you okay? What happened, where’s Keiji, I’ve been waiting for him for an hour and he’s not answering my calls, your wife isn’t answering either… I’m.. I’m scared sir.” Bokuto continues to ramble, waiting for a response, getting impatient. He’s about to open his mouth to speak again when he hears Akaashi’s father cough.  
“He’s in the hospital, Kotarou… Keiji he, he tried to commit suicide.” Akaashi’s father spoke in a raspy, and low voice. Bokuto couldn’t think of an answer.  
Everything started to crash down, his mind flooding with thoughts, he couldn’t pay attention to one. He could feel his tears sting, as they built up in his eyes. His dry mouth could turn to dust, the lump in his throat like the size of a soft ball. The crash of his phone, ontop his foot taking him out of his thoughts. Same words being replayed over and over like a broken record. Commit suicide? His Akaashi? He just couldn’t wrap his head around the thought. Was he in a nightmare, that he couldn’t wake up from?  
As the thoughts continued to run in his head, he had managed to get his car, and started to speed to the hospital. You would think, with all these thoughts and him spacing out, he would have crashed the car. His heart was racing, his body was cold, yet his throat burned. His vision, blurred from spacing out, as he was running into the hospital. He despised this place. The smell, all the white, sick patients. It was all depressing, nothing was happy about a hospital. Just the pure white waiting room, with the one potted plant, was depressing. He walked up to a nurse, bland green scrubs, and asked for Akaashi’s room. No he begged her for it. She coldly said it to him, as he scoffed running to the stairs.  
“Stupid bitch, doesn’t she understand I’m in a crisis, next anyone to give me trouble I swear.” He curses to himself, basically spiriting to the fourth floor.  
He repeated the number of the room in his head, how could he forget it. He counts in a small mumble, up to 408. Akaashi’s room. The once loud and crowded hallway, became silent and empty. It was only Bokuto and this door, and what lies behind it. He knew he didn’t want to see beyond it, he wanted this to be a nightmare. This big brown door, a chip right near the handle. That big brown door, blocking out all the noise behind it. That big brown door, the only thing stopping Bokuto to see the condition akaashi was in. He knocks, and waits for that faint voice of either of Akaashi’s parents to let him in.  
He put his hand on the cold, silver handle shivering as it shot a shock through his body. Pushing open the door, he could smell the sadness. Before this room, was a bright white hallway, very colorful hallway. This room, dull, black and white, hints of _red_. Red, what an ugly color for this place. The beeps of a heart monitor, almost drowned out by the sobs from parents. He almost felt he was in the wrong room, he shouldn’t be here. His boyfriend wouldn’t do this, he couldn’t have done this. That lifeless body in bed, with all the tubes and wires attached to it. _It wasn’t akaashi._  
“Koutaro, honey, come here.” Akaashi’s mother smoke in a soft voice, cracking when she said his name.  
He clenched his jaw, walking over to her, reality still didn’t hit him, he won’t believe it’s akaashi. No one can make him believe it was him. Akaashi’s mother hugged him, clung to him, sobbing into his shirt. He started to feel his eyes sting, this wasn’t a nightmare. It was real. Akaashi was on life support, pale as paper, with purple and red sunken eyes. His mother was about to throw up from crying so hard. His father drenched in his son’s own blood; staring out the window so he didn’t have to see his son in the condition he was in. Bokuto felt as if he could smell the blood, so potent, he could feel vomit in his mouth. He swallows the acidic liquid, gagging at the taste.  
Then it hit him. All of it hit him at once and he broke. Tears started to pour out of his eyes, sobs breaking from the lump in his throat. Looking at Akaashi was pain to his body. That faint heart monitor, the tube down his throat, ivs all attached to him. Attached to keep him alive.  
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m sorry im sorry.” He sobbed into Akaashi’s mother’s shoulder and she rubbed his back.  
“Baby, it’s not your fault, we’re glad you’re here.” She kisses his cheek, and looks at her son, then back to him “he wrote this just for you, we didn’t open it. Do you want a minute?”  
He nods, slowly sniffling and rubbing his eyes. She pulls away from their hug, still a hand on his back, as she hands him a note with his name on it. He turned to akaashi, and sighed. He almost wanted to shut his eyes, seeing him in this condition pained him. He kneels next to his bed, slipping his hand into Akaashi’s. He was basically begging Akaashi to squeeze his hand back. Limp. His hand was limp, and cold to the touch. He looked at his face, his oh so beautiful face. His wrists were wrapped, and you could still see the dried crimson blood bleeding through. He picked up Akaashi’s wrist, bringing it to his lips, giving a kiss to the deep cut. He looks at the other hand draped on his stomach, where his iv was. Same bandages, same deep cut. He wanted to hear his voice, he wanted to see his eyes. He wanted him to be awake and happy.  
“B-baby, hey it’s me. Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re here.” Bokuto tightened his grip, tears streaming, as he spoke to Akaashi. As if he could hear him.  
He kisses his fingers, still mumbling to him. He waited between each sentence, hoping akaashi would respond. He never did. He didn’t move at all. Bokuto laid his head on his lap, staring up at him. At this point, Akaashi’s parents left; probably getting something to eat, and give him alone time with Akaashi. He opened the note with his free hand, shaking as he took it out of the envelope. There were a few drops of blood on the paper, and even on the envelope itself. He unfolded the paper, starting to scan over the words. He read every last one, crying as he finished.

_“.....I tried… I really tried to stay okay till tonight, but I couldn’t. I’m sorry Ko, I’m so so sorry._

_ I love you_  
_ -Keiji”_

“Baby, why, why did you do this? We had so much planned, we were supposed to spend our lives together. Have two little stars of our own, remember.” Bokuto could hear the strain in his voice, as he sobbed, “you wanted a little girl, and a little boy, we were supposed to have babies and a life together. Why did you leave me?” He clung the paper to his chest, sobbing.  
Bokuto let out a strained chuckle after a deep sob, how selfish of him, even in a situation like this. Akaashi was actually on his deathbed, and he only worried about himself. No not his deathbed, he wasn’t dead, he wasn’t gonna die. Bokuto wouldn’t let it happen.  
“You listen to me Keiji, you’re strong, you can survive this, please… Just please, wake up.” Bokuto sat in silence waiting for a miracle, nothing came.  
He started to get angry, he was furious. Why does miracles work for everyone but him? Why was akaashi lying there and not getting up? He knew his anger was because of his denial, he didn’t want to believe this was real. He sat up, kissing Akaashi’s cheek, as cold as his hands. Pulling away seeing tears that fell on Akaashi’s cheeks.  
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t there. Maybe it’s too late, but please baby, give me another chance.” He squeezed both his hands this time, he didn’t want akaashi dead.  
Why was he even talking? Akaashi can’t hear him anyways. He wanted akaashi back, he wanted to hold and kiss him again. Hear his laugh, see his smile. Be in the real world, that’s so colorful. Not be in a hospital, where the only colors are red and white. His parents had come back in, his dad still not changed. You would think the hospital would give him something; point proven this place sucks. They’re still so depressed, both having puffy eyes and pale faces. All three now crowding Keiji’s bed. The heart monitor has slowed down, way too slow. His dad jumped up, his mom’s breath hitches. Bokuto doesn’t move. He continues to stare at Akaashi, seeing the last form of life leave his face, becoming completely pale. That long beep started, his heart stopped. He died, his mother was sobbing again. Father was running in with doctors and nurses. Bokuto still didn’t move, he wasn’t going to. He was getting pulled on by a nurse, a doctor screaming at him to move.  
“No! Get off me! I’m not leaving him, not like he left me!” He screams pushing the nurses, Akaashi’s dad even pulled him.  
“Aren’t you terrified, Ko? Let them do their job get out of the way!” His father yelled, pulling him out of the room, still scolding him.  
Bokuto blocked him out, he didn’t want to hear it. That single long beep, stuck ringing through his ears. All standing outside, hearing nothing behind that big brown door. It seemed as if it’s been hours since they sat out there, but it merely only being a half hour. A doctor comes out, shutting the door, but Bokuto saw that glimpse. They put a sheet over Akaashi’s face, he knew what that meant. He looks at the doctor, with a fake sad look on his face. He felt no remorse, he saw this everyday.  
_“I’m so sorry for your loss.”_

Sorry for your loss? Six months, and he still knows that doctor, didn’t give a shit about Akaashi’s family. Bokuto knew everything was different now. Akaashi was dead, his mother shut down her flower shop, father worked less hours; the whole family was in shambles. Bokuto dropped out of college, he didn’t wanna continue working. He didn’t care anymore, he became numb. Especially today. It was suppose to be Akaashi’s eighteenth birthday. He can’t celebrate it, not anymore.  
He bought a cupcake, with a little music note on it, and a single candle. He lit it, as he sat on edge of his apartment building. Legs dangling as he looked at the bottom. The wind flowing in his hair, wrapping around him. Almost like a hug, trying to stop him from what he’s doing. He knew, it was akaashi that was the wind. He looks down at the cupcake, and blew out the candle. Taking one bite out of it, before dropping it over the edge of the building. He watches, and counts to see how fast it takes to reach the bottom.  
He pulls out Akaashi’s note, opening it up and kissing it. Reading the “I love you” over and over, smiling to himself. He thought about the note he wrote his family, putting Akaashi’s note back in his jacket. He smiles widely, feeling the same gust of wind.  
“Don’t worry angel, I’ll see you soon.” He murmurs before standing up, and walking off the ledge.  
Ten seconds, of pure darkness. Ten seconds it took for him to die. Ten seconds, then a splash of white fielded his vision. He slowly opened his eyes, trying to adjust to the light. Seeing a glimpse of black, grey, and white feathers. He well knew who it was. Looking at his own wings; grey, white, and gold, he knew where he was. Those gorgeous blue eyes finally looking at him. He ran, and ran, until he fell into the arms feeling them tighten. He cries, no he sobs. Clinging to this angel, knowing he’ll never lose him again. He finally could hear his voice again.

_“I missed you so much, Koutaro.”_


End file.
